my neighbors are prairie dogs. i only see them entering and leaving their burrows. they step over matted trash, to scurry into their holes.
when sara and i moved here..........oh man. we saw so much badness and sadness. these hipsters just don't know. but, you know what? we did something about it; and we paid a toll. cleaning the street, keeping the tot-lot decent for children, befriending kids in crisis, enlisting (pressuring :) local business to take a hand in keeping the area clean. wawa and applebee's corps. know me well. driving off the druggies, getting squatters out. it was so much stress, but we were sorta trapped by bad decisions we had made.
sara's way of dealing with conflict, is about as healthy as mine........lol. but that's her story to tell :) my learned response to conflict reminds me of arnold schwarzenegger's response, to the ghengis khan figure, when asked, "conan........what is BEST in life?"
its that old testament upbringing, and years of child abuse, i'm sure, that instilled this ethos in me. i believe in the NAP (non-aggression principle), in my heart, but have a hard time putting it into practice; especially when my home territory and/or people i care about appear to be in danger. then.....i believe it is okay to circle the offenders, on horseback, and shoot arrows at them, and after breaking their ranks, ride the fleeing survivors down with lance and saber. i know, i know.......not very nice.
my reactions exacerbated her reactions, which exacerbated my reactions. UGH but you know what? I'm proud of both her, and myself. we were two people who flung ourselves into a tough situation, who were not emotionally equipped for the task ahead, for eight years...........and we managed to do some good. the girl sara took under her wing is now pregnant at 16, and we are both upset, but she is not a drug-addict, like both parents before her. my man bill, who is her younger brother, is on a better track, i think/hope. i tell billy what's up right in front of his older family members; i don't give a fuck. i won't stand by, and overhear him being fed some bullshit, street ethos, without saying something. sometimes i pull him aside to speak to him; sometimes, i do not.
so.........i'm okay with leaving. more than okay; i'm excited. i look forward to some quietude. its my turn :)
oh.......the prairie dogs. the ones who will find out what's up when their fucking shield is gone. fuck'm. i asked them all to please call 911 when the tot-lot is full of loud, rowdy, drunk idiots. they don't. they let me do it. they watch me clean the streets, the tot-lot, etc. i have never been joined by another broom-pusher. i got a homemade cup cake once. i was down for 17 days, and 22 days, with an er visit, this winter. mia for a total of 37 days..........for a guy who is a fixture on this block. not one visit, or inquiry into my well-being. but......are you ready? one said, "yeah.....i was wondering what HAPPENED to you."
my response was......"oh.....i fell, again, in the house, and i was dying of dehydration, on the cold wooden floor, but luckily, a stranger came by, and helped me." i smiled and walked away.
past tense: happened; past participle: happened
- 1.take place; occur."the afternoon when the disturbance happened"
- 2.be experienced by (someone); befall."the same thing happened to me"